Life-Less

So many proudfelt moments in everyone’s life and one of the best joys that make it so great are being able to share the moments with those that truly care, that understand and feel its importance to you and see the joy in your accomplishment. You spent your life living disappointment, where your only accomplishment was being part of the conversation. 

             Point is there is/was someone there. 

             Well to so many that joy, that pride and happiness, that excitement, motivation to keep going or being able to experience through hope or positive feeling in regards to your future and your life from that very second moving forward is short lived because of the sudden overflow of your heart breaking and just like the cracks in the pieces of broken glass that allowed it to break in pieces and make it whole and strong become something that has lost its meaning and purpose. Your accomplishment and joyful moment becomes heartache and pain, tearful instead of joyful, cries instead of laughs and a moment that hurts you because you’ve come to the realization that there’s no one you can call.

             You know those moments in prison or jail because they are part of everyone’s routine. You see it and watch it every single day. And even though you are all doing the same scheduled routine the same time every single day, the only difference is how you go about doing them. This part of the life and schedule you’ve never been able to experience or like so so so so many you lived with it in your sentence in the beginning but now at this moment you are alone, and on the phone with no one to call.

             It’s so painful to watch and see and most importantly hear all the good news and happy moments in everyone’s lives around you because of the love of family and friends that others have. It hurts when commissary is called every week and you have not yet to feel or experience in prison and locked away from all those you know hearing a familiar voice that’s important and allows you to feel the love and that the care and concern is there. Every day without that feeling of being missed or thought about is avoided and brings the joy everyone you’re around gets to feel and know every day. To know someone is there waiting and caring makes your sentence one that is bearable and you are not alone. 

             There used to be someone there but now you are not only holding a phone with no one to talk to but you are also holding in and onto a broken heart or loneliness realizing no one is there and the reality there won’t be or never was.